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Never.
Ah.
Tracy said, So you re saying that I shouldn t humiliate my-
self, since it s not working anyway?
I didn t say a word, corrected Linus. But you might be
on to something there. You re with Luke tonight. Tracy liked
the sound of that. She smiled brightly and settled back into
the couch.
Gloria should do more, and Tracy should do less, said Peg.
What about me? How should I handle gentle Ben?
Linus asked, What is the number one thing on your list?
I, uh, I m not fully prepared to make a statement, she
said. He stared at her, not letting her off the hook. Peg said,
The dog ate my list.
The dog named Ray? asked Tracy, and then she and Glo-
ria giggled at the memory of Peg s late-night swim.
I don t know what I want to learn, whined Peg. I m sure
I need to learn something, and that, once I ve learned it, I ll
be eternally grateful to have the information.
Linus gave her a cryptic smile, nodding weirdly at her con-
fusion.
Peg said, Are you going to help me, or what?
He said, I m going to help you.
I m waiting, she said, her annoyance growing. She didn t
want to sound vexed. She knew she was impatient. She
would dearly love to be Zen-like, as in, All things will even-
tually become evident. She would like to be recalibrated to
The Girlfriend Curse 135
Vermont Time. She would also love a beach house in
Bermuda.
Linus said, You wouldn t feel so lost if you took the time
to familiarize yourself with the surroundings.
Meaning? she asked.
Stop running, he said.
Jesus Christ. From this day forward, Peg said, her sar-
donic tone gooey, I will chew my food thirty-two times be-
fore I swallow. I ll crawl from room to room. I ll count
pennies, daisies and blessings. I ll wait until my wedding night
to have sex.
That sarcasm, said Linus. Where the hell is my stick?
Can we stop talking about Peg? asked Gloria. And get
back to me?
Linus said, You want to know what you should wear
tonight.
How did you know? asked Gloria.
Linus knows everything, said Peg. It s his special gift.
He said to Gloria, You and Ray are going to a potluck din-
ner at a church in Chelsea. Wilma will take you. Tracy, you and
Luke are going to a cornhusking bee at Billings Farm in Wood-
stock. With me. Peg, you and Ben are going to dinner at Poule
au Dent on Main Street in Manshire. It s walking distance.
Who s our chaperone? she asked.
Linus said, The chef is a friend of mine. He s going to ob-
serve.
I still don t know what to wear, said Gloria. I ve never
been to a potluck. I ve never been to a church.
And I ve been to a cornhusking bee? asked Tracy. Which
does not sound very romantic, whatever it is. How am I sup-
posed to be seductive on a farm?
Linus said, You re not supposed to be seductive at all,
Tracy. Just be. If there aren t any more questions, you can
have the afternoon off. You ll leave for your dates at five
o clock.
136 Valerie Frankel
Then he left the women in the living room to their collec-
tive and individual bafflement.
Gloria said, Potluck? I m supposed to bring a pot to get
lucky?
Don t worry, Peg said, Ray will bring the pot.
Tracy said, What the hell is sexy about corn?
Pretend it comes with batteries, suggested Gloria.
Chapter 18
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How s the soup? asked Ben.
Peg sampled the strawberry bisque. Fruity yet wet, she
said.
You don t like it, said Ben.
Ben seemed to take her slow spooning of summer soup as a
rebuke of him personally, even though he hadn t picked the
restaurant, composed the menu, prepared the dish or ordered it.
It s delicious, she reassured him.
Do you like the décor? he asked.
Very nice, she said.
Beautiful night, don t you think?
Hot yet dry.
We ve had meals together every day for a week, but we
haven t had a single conversation until now, said Ben. Tell
me about yourself.
She cringed. Peg hated talking about herself. Maybe that
was why, on most of her first dates, she skipped the talking
part, and moved immediately to the not-talking part. Her goal
tonight, however, was to practice patience.
I grew up in Manhattan, she started.
New York! Great town. Lots of energy. Lots of buzz. So
you ve traveled from Manhattan to Manshire, he said.
You re really moving north in the world! Tell me more. He
c
138 Valerie Frankel
leaned forward, eyes big, forehead shiny, in the grip of antic-
ipation for her next utterance. Or faking it as hard as he could.
Peg paused. Linus gave me an agenda for tonight, she
said, choosing her words. I m supposed to take things slow,
be relaxed. Not to disrupt the natural unfolding of events with
my ego. Or libido. Not a problem there, though. Ben didn t
do it for her. He could for someone else, though. In a cerulean
shirt, lavender tie, linen jacket that concealed his belly, he
looked dapper. His hair was well-trimmed (where there was
hair) and his face was open. For a chubby guy, his chin and
cheeks were well defined. He had nicely shaped lips, puffy but
not too feminine, and streamline brows over large, almond-
shaped hazel eyes. When he smiled, dimples appeared in his
cheeks.
Ben said, Wilma talked to us about date strategy, too.
She told you to ask me a lot of questions? guessed Peg.
To show an interest in me.
Ben said, I have a tendency to override my nerves by talk-
ing about myself, and before I realize it, I ve alienated my
dates. He took a sip of Bordeaux. Are you alienated?
He asked with such seriousness that Peg had to laugh. Ben
said, You re laughing. That s better than crying. Or falling
asleep in your soup. That s happened to me. I was with this
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